Learning to Be Kinder: A Daily Effort. Learning Loons

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on something simple: I need to make a more conscious effort to be kinder to others. Not just when it’s easy or convenient, but especially when it’s not. That includes my family, my friends, the people I work with, and even strangers I meet during the day.

We often underestimate the power of small acts of kindness—a warm greeting, a patient response, a genuine smile. But these moments matter. They shape our relationships, influence our well-being, and ripple outward in ways we can’t always see.

Mother Teresa once said, “People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives; be kind anyway… In the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” Whether or not one takes the spiritual aspect to heart, the message is clear: Kindness is something we should cultivate regardless of whether others acknowledge it, reciprocate it, or even appreciate it.

The Science of Kindness: Oxytocin and Well-Being

Science backs this up. Research shows that kindness isn’t just good for those on the receiving end—it benefits the giver too. Acts of kindness trigger the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone” or “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin plays a crucial role in trust, social bonding, and emotional well-being.

Some key benefits of oxytocin include:

Lower stress levels: Oxytocin counteracts cortisol, the stress hormone, making us feel calmer and more relaxed.
Increased feelings of connection: It strengthens social bonds and fosters a sense of belonging.
Improved heart health: Oxytocin has been shown to lower blood pressure and reduce inflammation, promoting cardiovascular health.
Greater happiness: Higher oxytocin levels are associated with increased life satisfaction and a more positive outlook.

At a societal level, kindness is a stabilizer. It reduces hostility, builds trust, and creates a culture where people are more inclined to cooperate rather than compete. In a world where negativity spreads so easily, choosing kindness is a form of resistance.

The Challenge of Consistent Kindness

But let’s be real: Being consistently kind isn’t easy. After a long day, patience wears thin. Stress, exhaustion, and irritation creep in. Sometimes, kindness feels like one more demand on an already depleted emotional reserve.

So how do we recharge our capacity for kindness in small, bite-sized ways?

Micro-moments of self-care: A deep breath, a sip of water, a two-minute stretch—small resets can help keep our patience intact.
Perspective shifts: When someone snaps at me, I try (though not always successfully) to ask myself: What might they be going through? Reframing frustration as curiosity helps.
Physical awareness: Anger and impatience often have physical precursors—tightened jaw, clenched fists, quickened breath. Noticing these signs early can help interrupt the cycle before emotions escalate.
Question the narrative: My brain loves to generate stories about why someone was rude or dismissive. But I try to pause and ask: Is that the only possible explanation? Giving others the benefit of the doubt prevents unnecessary resentment.
Model what I want to see: If I want a kinder world, I have to contribute to it. Even when it’s difficult.